AMAZON DRONE DELIVERIES

LOOK!! What’s that up there in the sky!? Is it a bird? Is it a plane!?? NO! IT’S A! A! A George Foreman Grill??

You heard.

Hello and welcome to the future of online purchasing, Amazon’s airborne solution to the renowned first world problem of needing something off the internet in under 30 minutes.

Prime-Air is the first prototype to attempt the conquering of commercial drone deliveries. Which in laymen terms means, click on the buy now button for COD and in less time than you can you can say ‘OUT THE WAY NOOB!’ you’ll hear the faint flitter flutter of propeller wings approaching your window. Kind of like that of a carrier pigeon, but instead a drone. A Pigerone if you will.

But Amazon weren’t the first to think up this ingenious idea, Fed-ex have also contemplated the concept. For about 2 seconds that is. Probably after quickly recognising the abundance of people who would find it highly enjoyable to shoot down a £1000-£2000 drone with a bb gun mid flight. Not to mention a well fun challenge for the hacking community. There may also be some, should we say, more political obstacles to deal with i.e privacy infringements. You see, in order for the drones to land safely and effectively (as opposed to on top of a driving vehicle or small child), they would need some form of inbuilt camera to see what they’re doing.

‘A camera recording us without our permission!’ we hear you cry? ‘I COULDN’T THINK OF ANYTHING MORE EXPLOITING!!’. (Yeah you might want to take note there, Google Maps).

‘The goal of this new delivery system is to get packages into customers’ hands in 30 minutes or less using unmanned aerial vehicles.

Sounds great Amz, but the realistic truth is we won’t be able to order that coffee machine we’ve been eyeing up anytime soon will we. And of course English weather conditions are certain to cause some form of delays along the way. Not to mention the probable price tag of an arm and a leg for no real reason other than perhaps novelty and of course that wonderful Western trait of complete, unnecessary impatience.

But aside from all that, there’s some more concerning talk of Amazon using the Drones merely as a hype to distract the public from the companies recent corporation tax dodging. A whopping £266m-£360mish dodge that is, along with numerous investigations into their shamelessly poor working conditions.

And maybe Amazon are distracting us from their illegalities with gadgets, maybe they’re not, who knows? Who cares!? All in all our reasoning is this, a world full of unmanned aerial vehicles delivering us some of the pointless shit we buy off the internet was always going to happen one day. And when it eventually does, it will be pretty oober fricking cool.